Barnabas Barker was aware that opening the bottle of whiskey hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk and taking a drink before noon would be a highly inappropriate urge for the headmaster of a prestigious educational institution to follow.
But of course, not everyone had students like Wednesday Addams coming at you in the morning with a goddamn battle plan.
Luckily, the gorgon managed to keep his composure and express his frustration and anxiety with a simple sigh and a hand covering his eyes in an attempt to calm his expression.
"Miss Addams... please repeat what you just told me, because I'm not quite taking it in."
Wednesday stood with her arms crossed in front of him and her face serene but fixed in a stern expression. In her place others would have snorted in irritation or frowned but the Addams maintained her usual coolness, though you could see the gleam of a patience under siege in her eyes.
"As I stated with absolute clarity, tonight Nevermore will be the subject of an assault, specifically aimed at Enid Sinclair and me. I have devised a battle plan collaborating with my counterparts and other students to ensure the safety of the few who still reside at the academy during this holiday period," explained Wednesday, "The act of informing you is not a request for permission, it is a courtesy. The attack will happen anyway."
"Yesterday morning I asked you if this would end with someone dead. Please tell me at least you will try to make sure there are no casualties."
Wednesday raised an eyebrow, "Enid has been insistent on... maintaining etiquette. Most of the plan is crafted to reduce the enemy by non-lethal methods. I take no responsibility for possible maiming or injury. We will try to avoid property damage to the academy, I know you are concerned about that."
"True, but I'm more concerned about ending up with one or more dead bodies in the middle of the quad."
"I should make it clear that if the enemy proves able to overcome attempts to reduce her or poses a danger to Enid, I will not hesitate to neutralize her in an expeditious manner."
"That is what I am afraid of... Is there no other way? Perhaps myself or one of the gorgon students..."
"I understand your proposal, but we do not know the enemy's full capabilities beyond the fact that she is a practitioner of elemental magic and uses a wand as her focus and primary method of attack."
"Sounds like your average witch..."
"True, and even a run-of-the-mill witch can rely on protections we don't know about. Is there a chance she's an incompetent who didn't prepare some countermeasure against a gorgon's petrifying gaze before attacking a place like Nevermore? Yes. But there's also the possibility that she did and then we would have just put either you or other students in danger."
Barker stared at Wednesday, thoughtful.
"I confess I did not expect this... protective eagerness on your part, Miss Addams."
"Don't misunderstand me, Principal Barker," Wednesday replied, "If I want to keep others out of danger it's so I can enjoy the danger myself."
"Mmm, yes, that sounds more like you... But if that's the case why are you allowing Miss Sinclair's presence?" asked Barker.
Wednesday was silent for a moment, her gaze fixed on the principal.
"I'm protective toward Enid. I don't deny it. But she's taught me a lot of things the last two years, things that she's been learning about herself and that we've learned from each other."
And then Wednesday Addams did something that chilled Barnabas Barker's blood and made him feel that someone had just set foot over his future grave.
She smiled. A broad smile. A happy smile.
Dimples and all. It was terrifying.
"I told you I enjoy danger. And I claim here and now that there is no more dangerous creature in all Nevermore than Enid Sinclair."
§§§
The tension in the air could be cut.
If there was one thing the members of the Nightshade Society (and by extension most of the Nevermore student body) had learned, it was that Wednesday Addams was dangerous. Not indiscriminately or arbitrarily, but dangerous nonetheless to those who would draw her ire, who would irritate her, or who would make the cardinal mistake of attempting to attack or subdue her in any way. And may God and the Devil have mercy on you if you committed the stupidity of attacking someone she cared about.
But the point is that Wednesday Addams was dangerous and they all knew it. And despite the short time they had known them, they were sure that applied to her dimensional variants. It didn't matter how young, friendly or cute they were. An Addams is an Addams.
And Enid was sure that the one who had appeared in front of them was no exception. And even less so under the present circumstances.
The others had appeared when Enid was alone or accompanied by Wednesday. Except for the initial alarm with Woe all contacts had been quite peaceful.
But this new Wednesday had materialized in the dark subterranean room of a secret society and in front of a group of people unknown to her. Despite the smile on her face and the calmness of her words Enid could sense the tension in the newcomer's muscles as she held the shovel that had appeared with her.
Enid raised her hands and took a step forward while praying that the others would keep quiet and not move from their spots. Certainly not to do or say anything that might alarm the new Addams.
God, it's like dealing with a wild animal, thought Enid.
The newly arrived Wednesday immediately focused her attention on the colorful werewolf. She did not move from her position, but Enid heard the creak of the wood of the shovel handle being squeezed hard.
"Hi," said Enid, along with a smile that she hoped was reassuring.
The young Wednesday raised an eyebrow in a painfully familiar gesture.
"Is this a kidnapping? I confess it's among the most unexpected and creative I've ever experienced."
Enid had to make an effort not to laugh. It was clear that at some level all Wednesdays thought on the same wavelength.
"No, this isn't a kidnapping...," Enid began, "It's not the first time I've been asked that, you know."
"Isn't it? So this teleporting people to what looks like your sinister subterranean cult is accidental?"
"You've been teleported from another dimension accidentally because of a spell that has turned me into a sort of focus for versions of yourself," Enid said.
Silence.
The newly arrived Addams looked at her with narrowed eyes.
"That has to be one of the most far-fetched lies I've ever heard."
"And that's why you can deduce it's true?" asked Enid, hopefully.
"No, just that you're a sorry liar."
Enid put her palm to her forehead and held back a growl, "Look, we're not your enemies, nor have we kidnapped you..."
She had to interrupt herself, ducking fast to avoid a shovel strike to the head.
"Hey!"
"You growled!"
"And that's grounds to attack me?!" retorted Enid, baring her fangs.
"Uh-huh! You're a lycanthrope!" retorted the Addams, "A lycanthrope witch who has brought me here to devour me in front of her thralls!", she said, and then paused calming down for a moment, "Oh, Brother Pugsley will die of envy..."
"How is that more plausible than the explanation I've given you!!?"
"It's more amusing," replied the Addams, with a mischievous grin.
"Sinclair, she's definitely not listening...," began Bianca.
"For the love of...," said Enid, "Your name is Wednesday Friday Addams, you were born on a Friday the 13th!"
"Oooh, you did your homework before you kidnapped me..."
"Your parents are Gomez Florencia Addams and Morticia A. Addams, née Frump. The way they love each other in public is enviable even if sometimes bordering on the pornographic. Your brother is Pugsley Uno Addams and he loves explosives, chemistry and traps. With all of you also reside your Grandmama and Uncle Fester when he is not in trouble with the law, plus a living dismembered hand named Thing and your butler Lurch, whom you treat as one more of the family.”
"Lots of homework," said the young Addams girl, though something akin to doubt echoed in her voice.
"Wednesday," said Enid, "We didn't kidnap you. You have been brought here because someone did something very stupid by playing with very powerful magic to try to harm the Wednesday of this dimension. And instead just managed to bring a bunch of versions of you into this reality in the last day and a half."
Finally, the young Addams girl seemed to relax a little, slowly lowering the shovel.
"If you keep harping on that there might be some truth to it after all," she said, shooting a glance at the others behind Enid. Eugene and Lenore were pale and with panic on their faces. Ajax was open-mouthed, clearly stunned. Bianca was on edge with a slight frown and her hand near her medallion. Yoko was the only one who looked relaxed, smiling and showing her fangs.
"Truth be told, you look like a collection of teenage stereotypes rather than serious cultists. Even the vampire, who I assume is much older."
"Respect your elders, kid," laughed Yoko. Wednesday responded with a sharp smile, showing off her own teeth.
"Ooh... Shark!" said Yoko.
"Excuse me?"
"Enid, that's going to be this one's nickname," said the vampire pointing at the Addams.
"Nickname?" asked the newly renamed Shark.
"In a day and a half besides our Wednesday we've had four other interdimensional versions of you," Enid explained, "We decided to use nicknames to name them to avoid confusion."
"Shark...," the pre-teen repeated, thoughtfully, before smiling again, "I like it! Not that it's very imaginative, but it's true that I get frenzied when I smell blood."
"And that's not alarming at all," Bianca mused.
"So...," interrupted Eugene's voice, "If this is settled already... well, maybe you should introduce her to the other Wednesdays and we should start with the preparations for tonight's plan."
"Ah, good idea Eugene," said Enid.
"Plan preparations?" asked Shark, "Are you guys in on a conspiracy after all?"
"I'll explain on the way," replied Enid, "After all, it has to do with your presence here."
"About that... You said you were the focus? Does that mean me and my other selves appear next to you?"
"Well... yes."
"And why is that?"
"We don't know...," Enid began to explain before being interrupted by Yoko.
"It's because of the power of love!"
"Yoko!"
"What? It's true! You're in a relationship with this dimension's Wednesday and all of her mini mes are appearing next to you! That has to be it!"
"There's no way to know for sure, Yoko! That suggestion from Wednesday was her being her usual romantic poetic self..."
"My self from this dimension is with you?"
Enid turned again to Shark, who was watching her with an unreadable expression and some curiosity in her eyes.
"Ah... yes."
"A version of me has a werewolf for a paramour?" asked Shark again. There was a strange anticipation in her voice.
"Uh... Is that a problem?"
"Are you kidding me?" said Shark, "It's great! Oh, Brother Pugsley is going to die of even more envy and jealousy when I tell him about it!"
NOTES
A brief reminder to the different Wednesdays in order of appearance:
Wednesday, the version portrayed by Jenna Ortega in the 2022 series. In this fic, two years after the first season. Eighteen years old.
Woe, the version of Christina Ricci from the 90's movies. In this fic, an undetermined period (one year approx.) after the second movie. Fourteen years old, close to turning fifteen.
Friday, the 1973 cartoon version voiced by Cindy Henderson. Notorious for her pink outfit. In this fic, comes from a period before her cartoon. Eleven years old, about to turn twelve.
Needler, the 2019 and 2021 CGI animated movie version, voiced by Chloe G. Moretz. In this fic she comes from a point in between the two films. Just turned fourteen.
Pup, the 1964 TV series version played by Lisa Loring. Comes from some undetermined point in the first season. Six years old.
Shark, the 1992 cartoon version voiced by Debi Derryberry. In this fic she comes from some undetermined time in the series. She is about twelve years old, close to turning thirteen.
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