Well, this is new.
That was the thought that crossed Amanda Buckman's mind with the force of lightning, leaving much of her reasoning capacity in a state of shock, completely overridden by the surprising turn of events.
This was reflected verbally in a louder “What the fuck?!”
“An astonishing observation,” murmured her companion, lowering the crossbow that she had been preparing to fire just a moment before. The red glow that had enveloped the weapon dissipated, with an effect similar to that of wisps of smoke dissolving in the air.
The hooded man had fallen to the ground, unconscious, after Enid's blow. It was a testament to the she-wolf's control over her own strength that she had only knocked out the trespasser instead of causing his head to explode on impact, decorating the wall with his brains.
Wednesdays crossed her arms, watching the new arrivals while Needler put handcuffs on the hooded man that automatically closed around his wrists. She also took what appeared to be the weapon he had been pointing at Wednesday.
“Is that thing safe?” asked a still semi-transformed Enid.
“Nothing suggests that it poses a risk to the bearer,” Needler replied, looking at the object with fascination. It resembled a weapon. It was shaped like a pistol, although without a trigger and made from a single piece, with no apparent moving parts or any opening in the barrel. It was as if someone had molded a weapon out of a solid piece of silver.
“Well, I think it's time for questions,” said Wednesday, “And some introductions. When someone comes barging through the door into my living room, I like to know who they are, no matter how exhilarating it is to receive a visitor accompanied by the promise of gratuitous violence.”
“Uh... er... shit... I'm sorry, it's just that it's the first time that... I don't know how to take this," muttered Amanda.
“I remember you being more eloquent, Buckman,” interrupted Woe, “Or at least more prone to verbal diarrhea based on the privileged upper-middle class hypocrisy that your family exuded in an sickening way.”
The blonde woman in the astronaut suit froze for a second before fixing her gaze on Woe. Her eyes widened and her face paled slightly.
“Oh my God, it's you,” she whispered, before coughing and clearing her throat slightly, “I mean... it's not you you. The you I knew is dead, but you're the first one I've found who looks exactly like her and...”
She paused, looking at everyone present. Especially the Wednesdays.
“How come there are six of you?!” she exclaimed.
“Seven,” added Wod, raising his hand, “I'm part of the same stock.”
Amanda opened and closed her mouth for a few moments, as if her brain was still calibrating the new information received before exploding again.
“I've spent GOD KNOWS HOW MANY YEARS jumping from universe to universe trying to find any of you in time before everything goes to hell! Always without success, either not arriving in time or arriving just as everything went to shit, or failing at the last second! And now not only does it seem that I've arrived at the right moment but there are half a dozen of you in the same place?!”
“Breathe, Amanda,” said her companion, patting her on the back, ”Hysteria is not good for you under the circumstances.”
“I... I think I need to sit down”, and luckily for her, as she collapsed she was able to do so on one of the sofas in the room.
“Well, all that has raised as many, if not more, questions than it has answered,” observed Eamon.
“So… do you know her, Woe?” asked Friday.
“Amanda Buckman,” replied Woe, “We went to summer camp together. Yes, that summer camp.”
“Ah! She's the one you tried to burn alive!” exclaimed Nid, “I've always liked that story.”
“She was a little narcissistic, classist and racist harpy. A prejudiced vermin surely destined to spend the rest of her life turned into a perpetual victim of the same social order she defended, condemned to a life of economic and social dependence on whoever she married, eternally trapped in a theater of appearances and vomitive and mundane perfectionism.”
“Wow. Okay, you may be a variant of the one I knew but the sharp tongue is the same,” replied Amanda. Despite her words and the reproachful tone in them, there was also an almost nostalgic undertone to her voice.
“I assume that in your reality our encounter was similar,” said Woe.
“And I assume it was our only encounter if that's the image of me you still have,” replied Amanda.
Woe only raised an eyebrow.
And Amanda correctly interpreted it as the signal to continue talking.
That alone spoke volumes.
“We met up again years later, when we started university,” the blonde continued. “I can't say we were friends, but our relationship was generally much more cordial.”
“In what sense?” asked Enid, back to her human form. She was genuinely interested in the story. Despite the years, the gossip queen of Nevermore had not completely vanished.
“Well, I didn't behave like a bitch towards her and she didn't try to kill me, for starters,” Amanda replied, “And over time, there was this.. respect, I guess. We were rivals, but we had a kind of tacit agreement that nobody else could fuck with each other. If anyone messed with me, Wednesday used to be expeditious, and if anyone tried to look for trouble with Wednesday... well, I didn't resort to murder like she would, but I knew very well how to ruin anyone's social life and turn them into real pariahs.”
“Fascinating,” whispered Woe, “And given your previous words and your presence, the death of our counterpart is related to this individual,” she said, pointing to the hooded man in the red cloak, still lying on the ground.
“Well, not with that one in particular,” Amanda's companion clarified, “There are more than one of those bastards.”
The Wednesdays stared at her for a moment, until finally it was Friday who spoke, “Sorry dear, we have been rude not to all formally introduce ourselves, but... who are you?”
The girl looked at them, frowning.
“None of you recognize me?”
Multiple head shakes and shrugs were her response. Wednesday frowned, staring at her.
“The most I can say is that you're an Addams, but not one I recognize. Sorry.”
“I'm not an Addams, I'm a Jones,” the girl replied, “Monday Jones. Your cousin.”
Again silence and looks of surprise, curiosity and perplexity.
“None of you have a cousin Monday? Seriously?”
“Sorry, but no,” said Wednesday.
“Me neither,” replied Woe, “Nor me,” replied Pup and Friday at the same time.
“I have a cousin Monday, but he's a male and his surname is Addams,” said Needler. “I can't rule out that he's your counterpart in my reality, but it's not certain.”
“No Cousin Monday, sorry,” said Shark.
“I have a Cousin Mōnandæg,” said Wod, “But his surname is Adamo and he is a donkey. Literally.”
Monday Jones just sighed, almost with resignation, “Well, I guess I really am a footnote in the multiverse...”
“Monds...” Amanda murmured, looking sadly at the girl.
“If it's any consolation...” Taylor chimed in, “The multiverse is ridiculously varied. I only know of one variant of me and it turns out that he's a serial killer piece of shit who was born at the wrong time and with the wrong chromosome.”
“That's another thing... how come there are so many of you in the same place?” asked Amanda, ”In all this time I've never come across any Wednesday who knew anything about the multiverse, at least beyond the theoretical...”
“We have some previous experience in these kinds of situations,” said Wednesday.
“And that's a very concise and simplistic way of summing it up!” laughed Enid, ”This is my Wednesday, my wife, and I'm Enid Addams. We are the native residents of this universe. The one who looks like the Wednesday you knew is referred to by us by the nickname Woe, and that's her fiancée, Enid Saint-Clair. The older one in the pink sweater is Friday and her husband Eamon. This one here is Pup and her girlfriend Taylor. The one smiling maniacally is Shark and the extremely pale one is Needler and that's her wife Parker. The medieval knight is Wod, and he's also a Wednesday, and the mountain of muscles next to him is his wife Eneit.”
“The events that led to us meeting and being able to visit each other's universes can only be described as kooky and spooky,“ said Friday.
“And altogether ooky,” added Pup.
“But let's focus on what's important,” continued Wednesday, turning her attention back to the hooded man, “You say there are more like him? What are they up to?”
“Who is this chap, to begin with?” said Eneit. The barbarian princess leaned over and pulled back the stranger's hood. It revealed the face of a red-haired middle-aged man... a perfectly ordinary, normal face, without any remarkable features. The face that would blend into the mediocrity of a job in an office cubicle. It was not at all the face one would expect of an extradimensional villain.
The only thing that stood out was the growing bruise on his left eye courtesy of Enid's lupine fist.
“Hey!” exclaimed Shark, “I know him!”
“You do?”, asked Wednesday.
“It's Mr. Normanmeyer! Norman!” Shark explained effusively. “The Normanmeyers are our next-door neighbors. Their son N.J. has always been a good friend of Pugsley's and mine.”
“So he's from your universe, Shark?” Parker asked, eyeing the unconscious man suspiciously.
“Nah, I don't think so,” replied the young Addams, “The Mr. Normanmeyer I know is not the kind of person who jumps from one universe to another dressed like a member of a cult. That and this one is younger, the one I know already has some gray hair.”
At that moment, the newly identified Norman Normanmeyer began to regain consciousness. A pained groan escaped his lips as he began to writhe, as if he were waking from a bad dream. Finally he opened his eyes. Or at least he opened his right eye. He had difficulty with his left, which had begun to swell.
He seemed disoriented for a few moments before focusing his gaze on Wednesday and all the others. An alarmed expression came over his face.
“Wha... what? How?” he stammered.
“Greetings, Norman Normanmeyer,” said Wednesday, standing in front of him with her arms crossed. Her gaze had turned dark, her black eyes looked like bottomless pits, and at the same time an aura of contained doom seemed to emanate from her whole being. ”I can't say I'm happy about your unexpected visit, and we have some questions for you.”
“How did you...? It's impossible... I should be undetectable until the last second, it's impossible that you knew that...”
“Is it impossible that I knew you were here? Is that what you were going to say?” asked Wednesday.
Norman stared at her, stunned. Wednesday leaned forward slightly, coming face to face with him.
And she smiled.
The kind of smile that would make a baby cry and a possum faint out of pure instinct.
“Norman... I've known what was going to happen in this room for the last two weeks.”
“What?” Normanmeyer muttered.
“WHAT?!” shouted Amanda.
“I'm a Raven. A seer,” said Wednesday.
“Her visions are a pain in the ass, but they're a useful pain in the ass,” said Enid.
“Two weeks ago I had a vision. This meeting, these people. My people. Two figures bursting in, interrupting the celebration,” Wednesday explained, glancing at Amanda and Monday, “A cry of alarm from the woman dressed as an astronaut and all my instincts screaming at me to turn around. I turn to see a figure in red materializing in front of the wall at the back of the room, pointing a silver weapon at me. A flash of light and then nothing.”
“She was submerged in that trance for almost five minutes,” Enid murmured, “It had been a long time since she had had such an intense vision.”
“The ending made it clear that I had just foretold my own death,” continued Wednesday, “So I decided to take action. The first thing was to contact everyone involved.”
“We spent several hours discussing what to do, and in the end we decided that the wisest course of action was to... carry on as usual,” said Woe.
“We would continue with our plans for the family reunion, for the party. We would maintain the usual routines to all come here as if nothing had happened,” said Friday.
“To the point of keeping our children in the house despite the risk,” Enid growled, looking up, thinking about how the children were having their sleepover with Varadi on the upper floor. Varadi, who was aware of the situation, making sure that none of the little gremlins came downstairs.
“We needed to preserve the causality of events in the most natural and constant way possible to ensure that all the elements of Wednesday's vision occurred in the same way that she had witnessed,” Needler said, “With one exception.”
“A last-second change that would prevent my death and turn the situation into a trap for the attacker,” Wednesday said, keeping her gaze fixed on an increasingly pale Normanmeyer, ”An unexpected variable.”
“And that would be me,” said a voice coming from the wall. The arm of Cousin Intruder poked out of the hole she had made, thumbs up, ”Always ready to lend a hand!”
“Intruder subdued you, and that second of distraction was all it took for my wife to knock you out cold.”
“And believe me when I say that I wish I could do more than just put you to sleep,” Enid growled again. Golden fur was returning to cover her skin.
“This is how things stand, Norman,” Wednesday continued as she placed a reassuring hand on her she-wolf's shoulder, “We knew the when and the how. We didn't know the who, at least until now. And now we're going to learn the why. So I hope you're smart and answer our questions.”
An expectant silence fell over the room after Wednesday finished her explanation.
All those present waited for Norman Normanmeyer's response. And suddenly, almost as if a mask had fallen over him, Norman's face went from expressing astonishment and fear to reflecting an expression of anger and virulent hatred bordering on the mentally deranged.
“You… you freak!”
More than pronouncing the words, it seemed as if he had spat them out.
“Visions of the future? You really are a freak! Even more than the others!” he shouted. “Do you think you've achieved anything?! You have no idea!”
“Ah, great, classic delusional villainy,” Enid muttered, rolling her eyes.
“We are Addams, Norman,” said Wednesday, emphasizing the monotone and cold tone of her voice, emptying it of all emotion, “If you do not answer our questions on your own free will, we know many and varied methods to persuade you.”
“Yep,” added Pup, letting out an unsettling little giggle.
“Questions like what is this object?” said Needler, “Especially since it has just changed shape in my hands.”
Indeed, what until a few seconds ago had been a sort of representation of a silver gun had become a silver sphere in Needler's hands.
Normanmeyer's eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets when he saw it.
“Drop it!” he shouted, almost foaming at the mouth like a mad dog, “It's a sacred instrument! Scum like you aren't worthy of holding it in your hands! Unworthy! Unclean!”
“Well, you've told us something already. See how it's not so difficult?”, said Friday.
“I won't tell you anything! You're freaks! Monsters! Witches! You're all Addams! AND ALL THE ADDAMS DESERVE TO DIE!”
“Okay, I'm getting tired of this...” muttered Woe, walking menacingly towards Norman, “Hold him down, I'm going to...”
Suddenly Norman Normanmeyer contorted. He doubled over on the floor before getting up with his back arched unnaturally backwards. The cracking of bones could be heard resonating throughout the room as a scream escaped his throat before turning into a choked whimper.
“What the hell?!” exclaimed Nid.
“Yes... yes, I understand,” said Normanmeyer, suddenly serene, as if talking to someone absent, “I embrace this death.”
Needler ran towards him, “He must have a hidden device! It must be some kind of remote communication and assisted suicide system! Take it off him!”
But it was too late.
“I embrace this death! NORMALCY WILL REIGN!”
And suddenly Norman Normanmeyer's body was filled with luminous cracks as if something had detonated inside him with the force of a small sun. And in barely a few tenths of a second after that, his contorted form exploded in a cloud of ashes.
“Fuck!” exclaimed Cousin Intruder.
The room erupted in a cacophony of alarmed reactions.
“What was that!?”
“Oh, I was expecting something with viscera.”
“Listen, it's like white light was coming out of him, and...”
“White light?”
“...well, I don't want to be a killjoy, but didn't that look vaguely familiar?”
“Oh no. No no no...”
“Don't even joke about that!”
“What are you talking about?”
Alarmed reactions that would not cease because fate did not want there to be a moment of tranquility and reflection after the unexpected and grotesque ending they had just witnessed. Because just then, a repetitive sound, an electronic beep, began to be heard in the Addams' living room.
A sound coming from Amanda Buckman.
“Buckman... what is that?” Wednesday asked tensely.
Amanda raised her right hand, revealing a device on her wrist on which a purple light had begun to flash.
“Uh...”
“What. Is. That?”, repeated Wednesday.
“I don't know! I've never seen this light before!”
“It's usually green when we have a reading from one of you,” Monday explained, before a shadow fell across her features, “And a bright red and a louder alarm when there's a manifestation of the Nothing.”
“The Nothing?” Enid asked.
“But purple…” Monday continued, ignoring the werewolf, “That's new.”
Amanda kept checking the device on her wrist, alarmed, “It's not giving any readings! Just this damned light and that beeping sound! Nothing else! I have no idea what this means, it's never happened before!”
The device began to vibrate.
And so did Amanda's body, becoming transparent.
“A Jumping?!” Monday exclaimed, indignant, “Amanda!”
“What do you mean, a jumping?” exclaimed Pup.
“I didn't activate it!” shouted the now terrified Amanda Buckman, “It started by itself! It's like it's automatic!”
And that's when they noticed it. A strange sensation in their bodies and in their stomachs, similar to the vertigo you feel when you start to fall unexpectedly from a great height.
“Oh, fascinating,” whispered Needler, looking at her hands.
Each and every person in the room had begun to vibrate and become transparent, just like Amanda Buckman.
“Oh, my...” were the last words to escape the lips of the woman dressed as an astronaut.
Wednesday and Enid exchanged glances, trying to hold hands before...
Suddenly a flash of purple light flooded the room. If it had been observed directly, it would have blinded any eyewitness. It was just an instant, a noise like an electric shock and the smell of ozone lingering in the air after the bright burst.
And everyone present had disappeared, vanished into thin air.
Leaving behind only an empty room, except for a silver sphere that fell to the floor without bouncing and a very confused and terrified Cousin Intruder hidden inside the wall.
“What the fuck just happened!?”
NOTES
BWA HA HA HA!
The return of the Evil Cliffhanger!
WITH A VENGEANCE! 😈
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